oh my gosh, where was i?

I’ve been meaning to write an update post for weeks.. I just never took the time to go back and look at previous posts to find out where I left off.. Mom brain, it’s real.

If you follow me on IG, then you probably already know most of this. I’m WAY better about posting things on IG than I am on here. It takes way less time to snap a pic, and write a quick caption. I can do that while I’m nursing, which takes up a whole lot of my time these days. (follow me here)

When I left off last we had take Paisley to two appointments with the chiropractor. We took her to the chiropractor because she had a really tight jaw. She was unable to open her mouth much more than the size of a dime, which made breastfeeding a real challenge. We finished up her treatment at the 3rd visit. Dr. Smith felt she had made some great progress and that we could come back as needed, but he didn’t see any need to continue treating her.

Since her final adjustment our breastfeeding relationship has gotten substantially better. We did have a gross case of thrush, which required us to both be treated… but once that cleared up, we have been pain free. It is seriously crazy to me that we are breastfeeding without pain. Sometimes when I’m nursing I think, “wow, this is what it’s supposed to feel like.” It really is so bizarre. We went through so much to be pain free, and while it was a really difficult & trying 11 weeks, I am so so glad that we stuck it out. (I posted about my struggle with breastfeeding here and here)

is it weird to be non-related baby pictures? yes? to bad.

I think I wrote in the last post that my leg is 100% back to normal. so, yay for that! I never did get the results of the nerve conduction study, and at this point, it really doesn’t matter. I don’t have any residual numbness, and my range of motion is perfect.

What else, what else??

Oh. I never posted about this on the blog, but I have posted about it on IG.. and if you get squeemish about medical stuff, or you think it’s weird that I’m posting about it.. then, you’ll probably want to exit now, because we are about to get REALLLLLLL personal up in here.. and I mean REAL personal..

exit now.

So. About a million years ago (or approximately 12 weeks) I thought I had hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are SUPER common after child birth, and then, add in the fact that I pushed for 2.5 hours.. I was pretty much destined to get hemorrhoids, right? I thought so.

If you’ve never had hemorrhoids, lucky you – From what I’ve read, they can be very painful – which is why I thought I had one (or 100). I tried every trick in the book to get rid of the ‘rrhoid.. After about 8 weeks of excruciating pain (and blood) every time I had a bowel movement (LOL, can we just say after I took a poop? bowel movement is just…. so work like. I say bowel movement a lot at work).. I went to see a colo-rectal surgeon.

There are fewer things in life more embarrassing than going to see a colo-rectal surgeon. When the nurse took my vitals, my heart rate was through the roof. I had so much anxiety going into this appointment. I know what the treatments are for the ‘rrhoids and it’s not pleasant.

After an exam (where I almost died of embarrassment) the good Dr. proclaimed that I in fact do NOT have hemorrhoids. I have an anal fissure, which I also call a butt cut. Laugh all you want, but that shiz is NO JOKE. It’s a cut, in your butt… just imagine having to poop with an open cut in your butt.

Per the good Dr. the butt cut can heal with the application of some butt cream. It will take 8-12 weeks to heal, but I should have some relief in 1 week. Sweet hallelujer! relief!

Only… I didn’t. Same pain, day after day. I followed up last week… since I have had zero improvement (at that point) the Dr. wants to schedule surgery, more specifically a sphincterotomy. (don’t google that, you’ll be scared. I’m scared).

Here’s what I should have been doing, but wasn’t – taking stool softeners. I increased the amount of fiber I was taking, but wasn’t taking a stool softener with any regularity. So, now, I am taking the stool softener like it’s my job. I do no, I repeat, I DO NOT, want to have surgery. I am absolutely terrified of surgery.

The point of the stool softeners is to soften up the stool enough so that the anus doesn’t have to stretch out, thus causing the butt cut to rip open with every bowel movement.

I told you that you should have exited this post a long time ago. it’s all your fault if you’re like WTH, Jena, WTH.

Surgery is scheduled, but I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to cancel it. I have to give the Dr. 3 days notice to avoid being charged – I have approximately 9 days to get the butt cut healed up.

happy to be running



an update without much of an update

Being a new parent is tough. My hormones are totally out of whack, I’m about as sleep deprived as one can get, and then you add this stupid complication and I’m a total basket case.  I cried pretty much the entire way to my neuro appointment.. damn you hormones, anxiety & no sleep.

So, what did the Neuro say about my foot….

He said that it is for sure my peroneal nerve, and that there is nothing wrong with my hip or spine. He explained that if it were my sciatic nerve, which wraps around the hip (or something), I would be having issues in my quad/hip. All of my problems are below my knee, and actually start mid calf and travel down into the top of my foot.

He explained that the sciatic nerves runs down our leg into the knee, then splits off into three different nerves. He did a few different tests on my foot/knee/leg and determined that it is most likely the peroneal nerve which controls movement of part of our feet.

(I’m no Dr, and I’m sure my recap of his explanation isn’t 100% correct…forgive me.)

The green area is where my leg/foot have a dead feeling. They aren’t numb, but they do have a weird feeling to them.. It’s really hard to explain, and even harder to figure out where the dead feeling ends; but I would say that where the green ends on the diagram above is probably pretty accurate as to where my weird feeling ends and the normal feeling returns. Based on some reading I’ve done, and what I’ve been told, the peroneal nerve is near the top of our skin, so it is easily damaged.

Hopefully the video works:: I recorded myself walking today when I went to my office to send out a fax. I’m walking kind of fast, and there are trees in the way of the mirrors so it’s kind of hard to see my foot.

Chris says it’s only really noticeable if you’re looking for it – but that most people wouldn’t notice. I think he’s full of crap, but what can I do.

What’s next: We asked about physical therapy…. Dr. G says this won’t help. He says all I can really do right now is keep moving my foot around, stretch my calf, and be patient (lolz).

I scheduled a follow up appointment for January 21st, when I will have a nerve conduction study done. I’m not 100% sure what this will do, but when I was scheduling it the lady said, “and don’t listen to what people say about the test, it doesn’t feel like you’re getting tasered.”   UHM??

So, that’s where we stand. I’m not all that optimistic that this will just resolve it self over the next 2 weeks, but hey, anything can happen…. I guess.


What’s next

In case you missed it, and are interested, you can read our birth story here.
In that post I briefly mentioned that I had to have an MRI on my lower back, but I didn’t say much more about it.

Well, see, what had happened was…. I pushed for 2.5 hours and ended up with some nerve damage that has left me with a gimped up right foot. The general consensus of the hospital staff was that I have drop foot or foot drop (whichever).

I was going to post a video of the foot drop gait, but I’ll be damned if I can get livewriter to log in to my YouTube account. SO, if you’re interested, you can check out this video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6owGJYkjig  You only really need to watch to the :25 mark, that best shows what my gait currently looks like. It’s not quite that exaggerated, but it was right after we figured out something was wrong with my foot.

Basically, when I walk, I can’t roll my foot from my heel to my toes. I have to pick my foot all the way up, and then set it back down. It’s about as frustrating as it sounds. I can’t dorsi-flex my foot; that means that if you were to push on the top of my foot, I can’t push back. I can flex my toes up, which is progress, but that’s where my progress ends, so far.

It’s been 8 days, so I’ve figured out how to maneuver so that my gait doesn’t look quite so awkward. It is really frustrating; I can’t drive, have to be extra cautious when I’m walking around the house; stairs are a bit of a hassle because I have to be so cautious when I go up & down them.

I have an appointment with a neurologist on Friday, and I’m hoping to get a nerve conduction test done, and a script for physical therapy.

So, where does this leave me? Frustrated. I’m very frustrated.
The one thing that I wanted to do after birth was run.. Obviously not immediately, but as soon as possible. Now, who knows. The prognosis for foot drop has many avenues. I could fully recover, or I could have permanent damage. I guess we really won’t know for a while. Again, frustrating.

All this leaves me wondering a lot of things, but one of them is “where is my blog is headed”…… and…. I don’t know. I was really looking forward to starting to workout/run again and being able to post about my post partum experience.. but now that has been quashed, for now.

Lifting really isn’t safe since my foot isn’t all that stable; Oh, that’s another thing – my foot has a numb/dull feeling to it. I can feel it, but it’s not the regular sensation, it’s kind of a dead feeling. So, I’m really not sure how safe lifting would be. Riding a bike seems kind of impossible at this point.

Running obviously isn’t happening any time soon.

I’m just left with a bunch of “I don’t knows.”

I have some ideas for posts, but they are Mom-type posts, and I know I’ll probably lose a few readers with the Mom-type posts… and I guess that’s okay, because really, that’s what my life is right at this moment.

When I start to feel sad or really frustrated I just pick up my baby girl and snuggle with her, because, what else can I do? Getting mad really won’t help, pitching a fit won’t help. I just have to be patient, which is not my strong suit.

All this + post partum hormones = recipe for disaster. I’m a hot mess much of the time.

Sorry this post is all debbie-downer.. It’s just the reality of what is going on, and I’m not going to blow rainbows and unicorns up your ass to make you feel better. I’m sad.