17/52 : roll over

For weeks Paisley has been trying to roll over. Every time she rolls to her side I cheer her on hoping that she would roll all the way over. I’ve been hoping she wouldn’t roll over while she was being watched by someone else. I wanted to be able to see it happen for the first time.

I was also hoping that Chris would be home when it happened. He travelled for work the last 2 weeks, so I was a little worried that he wouldn’t be home to see her reach this big milestone.

On Sunday afternoon we were just hanging out at my Moms; we spread a big blanket out on the floor and let Paisley & Liam “play.” Playing mostly involves Liam rolling over to wherever Paisley, then he proceed to poke her eyes, or pull her hair.. but even with the eye poking & hair pulling it’s fun to see them together. It will be so much fun to watch them grow up together.

a portrait of my daughter once a week, every week in 2014.
18 weeks old

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making time

There is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Pretty much every day for the last few weeks, and I’ve been meaning to post about it – but it’s kind of private, and while I think I’m pretty open about most parts of my life, I tend to keep my marriage private.

The internet is a ridiculous place, and some things are just sacred, and not for the world to see, or speculate about.

But I think this is important to talk about..

First, let me start out by stating the obvious,

BABIES ARE HARD.

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tired daddy

I’ve heard from other people that having a new born is rough on a marriage, and that post partum hormones are the devil in disguise. But you really can’t know how true those things are until you experience them yourselves.

Babies are these demanding little creatures that depend on you 100% of the time, 24 hours a day. Sure, they sleep, but when and for how long is anyone’s guess.

Life is so unpredictable, and unscheduled, and unplanned. Those are three things that I don’t handle very well. I’m not a super go with the flow kind of person – I need a plan. I need to know what we are doing, and when we are going to do it. Babies… they screw all that up. It’s a huge adjustment.

I don’t think you can really understand HOW BIG of an adjustment a baby is, until you have one. Then throw in the fact that I couldn’t drive or really walk …. So, not only could I not just hop in my car and run to the store because I had a new baby (who requires 6 million things when leaving the house, I couldn’t drive. So going to the store at all was out of the question unless Chris could go (or take me).

Prior to Paisley, it was Chris & Jena time all the time. Of course we had our own hobbies; I spent a lot of time running & working out. Chris spent a lot of time working on his boat – but we also spent a lot of time together doing things as a couple.

Enter Paisley.

Huh.

Chris & Jena kind of got pushed to the side.

We’ve argued/bickered more in the last 16 weeks than we have in 5 years of marriage (and 9 yrs together). Trivial stuff. some stuff that matters, but some stuff that was just trivial.

I don’t know how else to describe having a new baby other than, it’s just hard. It’s hard to find time for each other. I don’t even mean sex, I mean, just sitting down and talking – or watching a movie together.

Chris works, I work, Paisley needs 24/7 care, there is always laundry (mountains of it) to be folded, piles of dishes to go in the dishwasher – toys to be picked up, dogs to be taken care of.. The list of things that needs to get done is never-ending.

We let Chris & Jena time slide to the bottom of that list, when it should be at the top.

It’s weird to live with someone, and still miss them. I mean, I see Chris every single day – but I miss him. I miss the days before we had Paisley – don’t get it twisted, I love that kid more than I ever thought I could love another person, but I miss the days when we could be totally selfish and no one would suffer.

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So, if you have a little one at home, and you constantly want to shank your significant other, it’s okay – it’s normal. {Don’t actually shank them!} Sit down and spend some time together.

It’s just a phase.

Paisley will grow up, and we will look back and wonder where the time went.