Some stuff has been weighing heavily on me the last week or so — I am not an overly cheery person, it’s just not something that comes naturally, or easily to me. I don’t ooze niceness and rainbows. I don’t sugar coat things, and I don’t pretend. I won’t be nice just because it’s “the right thing to do.” That’s just not me. I don’t hide my feelings well. My resting face is a bitch face. I am often misunderstood.
It’s probable that a lot of what I say on my blog can be misconstrued or taken the wrong way/out of context. I write what I feel, and think very little about how it will come across…
So I was thinking that maybe I haven’t really expressed how happy I really am to be pregnant and to be having a baby girl.
Having a kid is big flippin’ deal, y’all. I am not one of these women that had my wedding planned out at 5, and I didn’t dream of having kids. I just didn’t. If you don’t like that, I’m sorry. Feel free to click the red X at the top of the screen now. The decision to have a kid was a big one for me; You can tell me that your life doesn’t change “that much” all you want, and I’ll tell you that you’re full of crap.
But after all those feelings, I am happy. I am blessed, and some where, deep down, under all the scared feelings, I am excited.
This morning before I left for work I hung up some of the clothes that we received from a very generous person in Chris’ life. I washed them earlier this week, and I had a few extra minutes to put them away, so I did. I stood in her closet hanging up those little sleepers and tried to imagine what she would look like in them. (FYI: I’m legit getting all teary right now.. good Lord, hormones.)
After I found out I was pregnant, I started reading a lot of Mommy-type blogs. I look forward to the days when I can take a million pictures of my daughter snuggling with her dad, or holding his hand while they walk on the beach. I look forward to family vacations, and showing her new places.
There are also a lot of things I don’t look forward to – I am not under some illusion that having a kid will be easy, or fun all the time, and it is by no means cheap. These feelings don’t make me a bad person, or a bad Mom.
So, that’s that. 41 more days until the fun begins…
Happy Weekend, I hope it’s filled with lots of love & joy.