Looking forward

 Some stuff has been weighing heavily on me the last week or so — I am not an overly cheery person, it’s just not something that comes naturally, or easily to me. I don’t ooze niceness and rainbows. I don’t sugar coat things, and I don’t pretend. I won’t be nice just because it’s “the right thing to do.” That’s just not me. I don’t hide my feelings well. My resting face is a bitch face. I am often misunderstood.

 It’s probable that a lot of what I say on my blog can be misconstrued or taken the wrong way/out of context. I write what I feel, and think very little about how it will come across…

So I was thinking that maybe I haven’t really expressed how happy I really am to be pregnant and to be having a baby girl.

Having a kid is big flippin’ deal, y’all. I am not one of these women that had my wedding planned out at 5, and I didn’t dream of having kids. I just didn’t. If you don’t like that, I’m sorry. Feel free to click the red X at the top of the screen now. The decision to have a kid was a big one for me; You can tell me that your life doesn’t change “that much” all you want, and I’ll tell you that you’re full of crap.

But after all those feelings, I am happy. I am blessed, and some where, deep down, under all the scared feelings, I am excited.

This morning before I left for work I hung up some of the clothes that we received from a very generous person in Chris’ life. I washed them earlier this week, and I had a few extra minutes to put them away, so I did. I stood in her closet hanging up those little sleepers and tried to imagine what she would look like in them. (FYI: I’m legit getting all teary right now.. good Lord, hormones.)

After I found out I was pregnant, I started reading a lot of Mommy-type blogs. I look forward to the days when I can take a million pictures of my daughter snuggling with her dad, or holding his hand while they walk on the beach. I look forward to family vacations, and showing her new places.

There are also a lot of things I don’t look forward to – I am not under some illusion that having a kid will be easy, or fun all the time, and it is by no means cheap. These feelings don’t make me a bad person, or a bad Mom.

So, that’s that. 41 more days until the fun begins…

Happy Weekend, I hope it’s filled with lots of love & joy.

 

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3 thoughts on “Looking forward

  1. Got me all teary eyed too. 🙂 I seriously need to come and walk in her room and see her stuff all ready for her. Maybe next weekend? I love you so much!!

    Mom

  2. Jena, you and Chris are going to be fantastic parents! I’m not gonna lie it is hard at times. But you guys are going to do just fine. We love you guys and can’t wait til baby girl arrives. If you need anything or just to talk I’m here for you! 🙂

  3. The fact you are honest and realistic about all of this is a huge reason why I keep checking in and why I’m so excited for you to be a mom, even tho I don’t know you IRL. You realize that your daughter isn’t going to poop rainbows and cry adorable, silent unicorn tears. So don’t lose any of that! You’ll be a great parent and your outlook on all of this gives me hope for any part of my future that may involve children. Forty one days…so close!

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