can’t put my finger on it

According to the baby bump app, I only have 63 days until my due date, or 9 weeks. Baby girl is the size of a head of lettuce (?) approximately 19in long (this seems huge for a kid that has 9 weeks left) and about 3.9lbs.


not really relevant, but it made me laugh.

I’m not sure if it’s my impending parenthood, or something entirely different, but I’ve been feeling really unsettled.

Maybe unsettled isn’t the right word, I’m not sure what the word is – but I just feel…… something.

Every day feels like a countdown.

I wake up, and think, “If I eat breakfast now, it’s X hours until lunch time.” Thus, the countdown to lunch has begun. On Monday I start counting down until Thursday; the only significance to Thursday is that I work from home. On Thursday I start counting down until Saturday.

Every Wednesday I mark off another week down until we meet our precious baby girl. “How many weeks pregnant are you?” 31 on Wednesday… just another count down. I guess that doesn’t change once our girl arrives. “How old is she?” “X weeks.”

I guess it’s never ending. It’s just hitting me hard right now – big changes are headed my way.

I hate the unknown; I’ve said it before, I’m a planner… and with pregnancy, and birth, and pretty much anything for a while, I can’t plan anything. My inner planner is going INSANE! 

The holidays are coming, and I can’t make any plans because….. I’ll either have a baby, or I’ll be hugely pregnant. This is causing me quite a bit of anxiety all by itself…


truer words have never been spoken. Chris has been a saint, but that deserves it’s own post.

 

October was a crazy busy month; we had something going on every single weekend, maybe that contributed to my feelings of …… whatever.

I know that we only have so many days left as a twosome, as non-parents.. So many days of complete (sort of) freedom. I’m not upset about it, it’s just a fact. It’s a weird feeling.

My baby shower is this weekend, which is fun & frightening all at the same time. I’m excited to see everyone, but nervous for what the baby shower represents… a baby.

I think that even at 31 weeks pregnant, I’m still shocked that I’m going to be someone’s parent. Responsible for raising someone into a {hopefully} productive citizen. It’s a big task, a task that I really didn’t think I could or wanted to handle; and now, here I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited, and I can’t wait to meet our baby girl, but c’mon y’all, it’s scary… and if you say that as a first time parent you weren’t scared, you’re lying.. straight up lying.

Sorry these thoughts are so jumbled, and probably not  very coherent. It’s just a mess of thoughts that have been on my mind constantly for the last few days.

Happy Friday!

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2 thoughts on “can’t put my finger on it

  1. Jena….raising her does involve a large amount of parental involvement…of course. HOWEVER: this little person will make their own choices and once you’ve taught them the right from wrong, those choices are theirs and THEY have to accept the consequences not YOU. This was always hard for me…always wondered what I did wrong. Finally realizing, the choices that were made were not mine, but yours and Staceys. I’m talking about when you were little kids. WHOLE another book for when you got older! 🙂
    Love you bunches and bunches!! Mom

  2. 2 months!! I’m sure it is hard to plan Christmas not knowing whether P will be here yet. Enjoy these last months with as much relaxation as you can manage. 🙂

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