Sad.

My job makes me sad sometimes. I work for a Gastrointestinal, Oncologic Surgeon. It’s that oncologic part that gets me. I don’t care how you look at it, cancer is sad. There is an Oncologist on the second floor, and every time I see patients get off the elevator and go into that office it makes me sad, sad, sad. I see the same patient going into that office every day of the week. Well, I didn’t see him today, but I saw him Monday & Tuesday. =(

It’s just sad. Cancer sucks. It’s just awful. It surely does not discriminate either. I read a few blogs about babies that have Stage IV cancer. Babies! ugh, so sad.  I think having a sick baby is one of the things that scares me the most about being a parent. I mean, the fact that you are stuck with a kid for the rest of your life is overwhelming enough. Then you add in the billions of things that could be wrong w/ your baby and Oh my gosh the scary factor just exploded off the chart. Does this make me a bad person? I really worry about having a sick baby. Everyone wants a healthy baby, right? Isn’t that what people say, “We don’t care what the sex is, as long as IT has 10 finger, 10 toes, and is healthy.” .. but WHAT IF your baby isn’t healthy? Obviously I would still love my baby, but I am a worrier. I worry about everything. Having a sick baby would put me over the edge. I know it is one of those things that you don’t really know how you would deal with it until it has actually happened to you. This is what Chris tells me about a lot of thing. If I read about something in the paper and I say “I seriously do not think I could deal with that.” His response is, “You don’t know how you would react until you’ve been in that situation, you would be surprised at how strong you are”.

Enough about that. I can’t even stand to think about it. Sickness & Death are two things that really scare me…. and I work in the medical field why? I know, right?

Yesterday was  a rest day for me, and that is great! I scheduled an appointment with a Sports Medicine Doctor. Yeah, I never even talk about the ridiculous knee pain I’ve been having. I’ve pretty much trying to ignore it, and forget it exists. I keep having this nagging feeling that I really should get it checked out. I mean, I’m scheduled to run a 5k & a 10k in September. Then October has a half scheduled, Nov has a half scheduled, Dec & Jan are going to be soley training months, then Feb will be my first full.  That is quite a bit of running, and I am just thinking that I should probably get this looked at before I register for the 2 halves, and a full. I would hate to be out $200 because I was stupid and didn’t get my knee checked and end up not being able to race at all =/

My sister came over for dinner last night and we went totally carb crazy, yum! We had grilled hamburgers, this is the sole reason I can not become  a vegetarian. Sorry, but I really, really, really loved hamburgers. Yum. I could go w/o chicken, and probably most other kinds of beef. I just need a good hamburger now & then.  Oh, and I REALLY love seafood.   So anyways, in addition to hamburgers we had seasoned french fries & velveeta shells & cheese. mm mm good. Oh, and i had 2.5 glasses of wine. Bahahahaha. Good thing I have a 5mile run scheduled for today.

I have been really thinking about my “health” goals the last few days. I don’t have a major weight loss planned. I’m 5’6 and weigh about 127 on a good day. (today is not a good day, incase you were wondering). Yeah, I also just put my weight on the internet. Here’s the thing, I don’t care. When I am running, not like physically running right now, but when I am training for something, or just in maintenance mode I feel really comfortable with my body. Yes, I could stand to lose a few inches in my mid-section, then I would feel even more comfortable with my body. Running gives me a sense of accomplishment, and is a huge self-esteem booster. It’s weird. I really don’t know what my health goals are; I think I just want to be more comfortable with my body. Sure, I’d love to have 6pack abs, and a slammin’ body all around. Let’s be real here though, I don’t have the time, patience, or money to dedicate. I love running, and the occasional cross training. I like eating healthy, but for me, I don’t have to eat healthy every single second of every single day, I freakin’ like junk food, okay? There I said it! I just can’t restrict my self the way some people do, I admire those people, I really do. I read a lot of blogs, and a ton of posts on a health & fitness board and those ladies are freakin’ awesome. 

I know my post has been full of heavy subjects today, but here is one more for ya. It’s been a “heavy” week for me this week. This could explain my cranky mood…that and other things which we will not go into.

Our Troops. Honestly, how often do you think about our troops that are overseas fighting? When it comes on the news at night? When you see the headline of a local newspaper that another Soldier was killed in Afghanistan, Iraq, {insert other country here}? I will admit that I am guilty of “forgetting” what is going on across the big pond. Am I really so absorbed in my own life that I forget.. uhm, yes. Someone posted recently on a local message board that she had helped out with a local group that supports our troops, and this has been weighing heavy on my mind all week. I’ve been googling trying to find a good way that I can support our troops. I know plenty of soldiers, lots of guys I went to school with are currently stationed all over our country, some over seas. What can I do to help, to make them more comfortable in their less then ideal conditions in Iraq & Afghanistan?  I suck @ baking, so that really is not a good option for me. I found a website yesterday where Soldiers go on this website and they write specific things that their units need. Basic things, that we take advantage of every day. Deodorant, soap, toothbrushes, socks, white undershirts, soo, I am on a mission to find a good way that I can help. Suggestions? What do you do?

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Sad.

  1. Hey there…. you could help the troops by writing them letters or sending the female troops old magazines.

    I’m glad you LOVED your hamburgers. You don’t have to be a vegetarian to be healthy. Eating meat isn’t the devil. Yes, this vegan is saying that. If you love your hamburgers that much, you need them in your life. Really. you do. It makes you an awesome person too!

    Just don’t take away my smoothies and we are good. Seriously. I could have two chocolate bars with the amount of calories that are in one of my smoothies. Hot damn.

    Yes, I’m counting calories. I said I would weigh the same I did on my wedding day at the end of the year. I was 3 lbs up. 3 big deal… but 3 turns to 5. 5 turns to 10…. yeah, i had to nip that in the bud. So I started counting for the first time in my life. Ha. Those serving sizes are so damn small. It sucks. ha.

    But I just want to say, you are beautiful and have a great body! I know that doesn’t mean much, you want to feel rockin’ hot that is what matters, but I look at you and you are lean with strong features! A great runners body.

    Okay, enough. I’m going back to my crappy tv show. Yeah, not having cable sucks.

    • What kind of smoothies are you drinking? I love smoothies! I love chocolate too, I’ll have both please! =)

      I can’t count calories, it SO tedious, drives me crazy. I really would have issues if I counted every single thing I put in my mouth. Thankfully I weight less now, then I did on my wedding day. Only by like 3-4 lbs, so it really doesn’t even count. After we got married though I gained about 5 lbs, that was not cute.

      Thanks for the compliments!

      I laughed out loud about your crappy TV show… boo to now cable. I watched this show Boston Med last night, they did a face plant, yeah, a face plant. It was amazing! I love medical shows like that, I could sit there for hours on end and watch.

Say what you wanna say

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s